Monday, January 25, 2016

Healthy Self-Esteem = Healthy Relationship

Healthy Self-Esteem = Healthy Relationship

Without a healthy sense of self-esteem, it is virtually impossible to find a lasting and real relationship outside yourself. Whether you are currently in a relationship, or you are single and looking for your next relationship, you can improve your self-esteem. Do a self-check and evaluate your self-esteem levels; take some time to work on your self-esteem this week!

Are you in charge of your own mood? Let’s face it – we all love receiving a compliment or hearing something nice said about us.  We will smile all day long remembering what was said, and there is nothing wrong with that. The problem comes in when our mood depends on the words of others. 

If you need the validation of another person to ensure that you are happy, your self-esteem needs some work. Find something about yourself that you love: your sense of humor, your eyes, your snarky sense of wit and focus on those areas. 

When you find yourself wondering why you haven’t gotten a compliment, start giving yourself one on the area that you most admire. Take control of your own mood!

Are you worried about how you upset others? Women tend to find value in their relationships and often find their sense of self-worth through the state of their relationship. If things are good, then they must be doing things right. 

If their relationship is in trouble, there must be a problem with them. When your partner is upset, if your initial reaction is to wonder what you did to cause a problem you may have codependency issues.
Are you experiencing déjà vu? Do you find yourself in the exact same relationship over and over – just with a different person? If you find that you end up with someone who is disrespectful of you repeatedly, it may be an indicator of a self-esteem issue. 

You may need to spend some time considering why you choose men who hurt you. Are you trying to change their behavior? Do you feel as though that is the only type of man you deserve? Once you have identified the pattern, you can begin to take steps to change.
Are you in a spinning teacup? It starts simple enough: you wake up and notice a new wrinkle under your eye. Then you start to obsess over your weight. The next thing you know, you are worried about why your boss chose someone else for a new project and your best friend didn’t call you like she said she would. 

The spinning cup of negativity can be difficult to stop – once you start turning the wheel it seems impossible to slow it down. The secret to dealing with this cup of despair? Don’t start turning the wheel. When you have a negative thought, follow it up immediately with a positive one - effectively putting the brakes on your self-esteem killer. 

Working on your self-esteem will help make you a happier, stronger person. When you are happy with whom you are, it is easier to find happiness with another person and your relationship will be better for it.

Love is in the air!

Enjoy your day!!!

Monday, January 18, 2016

Three Layers of Intimacy

Three Layers of Intimacy 

Intimacy is defined as a close, familiar, affectionate and loving relationship with another person. Even on its surface, the word is charged while cutting across multiple aspects of relationships. Culture squashes the word into a tiny box making it palatable for everyone and not challenging anyone. For couples to endure, their understanding of intimacy must extend beyond the traditional or simple delving into deeper areas of closeness, familiarity, love and affection.


In a culture obsessed with the physical, the simplest forms of intimacy fall into the purview of the body. Some of the greatest negotiations in a relationship can center around physical intimacy. From the first kiss to more personal acts, this is a dance played out starting with the first flirtations. Nervous teenagers are not the only ones to wonder if the first date will end in locking lips. Even the ones who know the final page of the date grow nervous when walked to the front door at the end of the evening because of intimacy of the act of kissing another person.

On a baseline level, physical intimacy cannot be pushed aside as a strictly biological hurdle to be bypassed. The excruciating sweetness of being near another person makes all the nerves and risk worth it. Even as it is important, physical intimacy is not the pinnacle of connection. Physical closeness does whisper delicious promises of deep depths than anyone else dares to dream of.


Intimacy in the midst of conversation reveals a great deal about the person. It can disclose dreams, hopes and the most fervent wants. Words, though sometimes crude tools, possess the gift to grant greater insight into the person in the relationships than any physical act alone could ever hope to ensnare.

This intimacy sits firmly between physical intimacy and deeper waters because some of the first things shared can be the ways in which physical pleasure can be granted and received. It takes courage to stop a partner and request they linger on a neglected patch of flesh. The receiver gains greater insight into their partner and the sharer feels appreciated and closer to the other person. This communication is never limited to the corporeal, immediate or temporary. It can be a first and important step.


The heart represents one of the deepest levels of intimacy for a couple. The heart holds so much in the way of seeing a person for who they are with the pains they have suffered, the hopes they strive for and the ways in which they seek to protect themselves. Imagine if a partner possess access to all of these things. How close would a couple be? How well would they know one another? How much love could they experience and express?

A couple without higher forms of intimacy may find this level almost impossible to reach without an intermediary. They may not feel safe around the other person. They might not feel as though their needs matter. This is why physical connection leads to speaking about such closeness and ends up revealing the deeper parts of themselves. While challenging, the sweetness of knowing someone on this level can only be matched by someone being know in a similar manner creating the be best infinite positive feedback loop.

Couples must step beyond what is easy and into what is deeply hard. Only in the center of a relationship filled with deep intimacy can all the benefits of lasting, passion love blossom. Take the chance to be as intimate with someone safe and taste the ambrosia of true love.

Love is in the air! 

Enjoy your day!